Awkward's Humour and Sillies

Selecting A Programming language Made Easy

With such a large selection of programming languages it can be difficult to choose one for a particular project. Reading the manuals to evaluate the languages is a time consuming process. On the other hand, most people already have a fairly good idea of how various automobiles compare. So in order to assist those trying to choose a language, we have prepared a chart that matches programming languages with comparable automobiles.

AssemblerA Formula I race car. Very fast, but difficult to drive and expensive to maintain.
FORTRAN IIA Model T Ford. Once it was king of the road.
FORTRAN 77A six-cylinder Ford Fairlane with standard transmission and no seat belts.
COBOLA delivery van. It's bulky and ugly, but it does the work.
BASICA second-hand Rambler with a rebuilt engine and patched upholstry. Your dad bought it for you to learn to drive. You'll ditch the car as soon as you can afford a new one.
PL/IA Cadillac convertible with automatic transmission, a two- tone paint job, white-wall tires, chrome exhaust pipes, and fuzzy dice hanging in the windshield
CA black Firebird, the all-macho car. Comes with optional seat belts (lint) and optional fuzz buster (escape to assembler).
ALGOL 60An Austin Mini. Boy, that's a small car.
PascalA Volkswagon Beetle. It's small but sturdy. Was once popular with intellectuals.
Modula IIA Volkswagon Rabbit with a trailer hitch.
ALGOL 68An Austin Martin. An impressive car, but not just anyone can drive it.
LISPAn electric car. It's simple but slow. Seat belts are not available.
PROLOG/LUCIDPrototype concept-cars.
Maple/MACSYMAAll-terrain vehicles.
fORTHA go-cart.
LOGOA kiddie's replica of a Rolls Royce. Comes with a real engine and a working horn.
APLA double-decker bus. Its takes rows and columns of passengers to the same place all at the same time. But, it drives only in reverse gear, and is instrumented in Greek.
AdaAn army-green Mercedes-Benz staff car. Power steering, power brakes and automatic transmission are all standard. No other colors or options are available. If it's good enough for the generals, it's good enough for you. Manufacturing delays due to difficulties reading the design specification are starting to clear up.

By Daniel Solomon & David Rosenblueth, Department of Computer Science, University of Waterloo

Back to Index Of Computer Jokes
Back to Main Humour Index

Contact me at

Last updated 22/06/2000 at 18:48
By Daniel Solomon & David Rosenblueth, Department of Computer Science, University of Waterloo